I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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