Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
