I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
