I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He kissed a someone with a penis
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
