if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
