I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
