can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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