Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
