Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
