Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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