yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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