The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
