I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
