why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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