Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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