I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
