She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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