i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
