So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
