So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
