I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
