dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
