I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The air was thick with penises
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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