I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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