he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
