I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't turn off my feet"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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