i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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