I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
