He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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