and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My feet surprised me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
