Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
