Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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