I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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