just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
