It was confusing and full of hummus
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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