but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Mom said you looked used
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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