It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
