I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
