whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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