I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
