I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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