1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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