I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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