I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
