Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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