I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
