dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
