We won't sleep together?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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