You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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