I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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