dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
