My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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