Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just high enough for therapy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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