i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
