I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
