I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
