Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
