guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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