Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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