Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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