I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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