just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
