I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
