I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
