you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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