just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
