new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
