omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
