The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
