if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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